A lot has happened in the past month. Too much for my little brain to be able to eloquently put into words.
I got to see my Dad during my break. That was wonderful but at the same time I am wondering why he didn't really want to come stay with me at my place and instead stayed with his sister the whole time. That kind of sucked.
I saw my grand father die on the fourth of July.
We are taking care of a Chihuahua our neighbors found. I feel I am getting a taste of mother hood here. Just a taste.
I found a kitten with a busted leg. Took it to a rescue place.
Its the 5th week of school and I am so behind because all of this happened sequentially.
But I don't want to talk about any of that stuff.Not at this moment anyways.
See, I am less than two weeks shy of turning 24. 24. YES...24. It feels so strange. I told my mother today that I feel as if I am going through a quarter life crisis. She told me she felt the same way at about 20-21 years of age but largely due to the fact that she had me at 17.
I can't really explain the feeling. Its not a thought that keeps recurring over and over in my head. Its just a feeling of unaccomplishment and unfulfilledness. Like a hollowness. As if their is a void. As life gets more and more different every year. Less fun. You see your friends less. Now I see my family less. I feel a bit of detachment. Some where I am stuck in the middle on my way to adulthood but not too fargone from childhood.
I know I am not alone in this boat. As I've chuckled a few times as I've seen other fellow Facebook friends from high school post about feelings running in the same vein.
I had put my laptop away when I recieved a text from my dear friend Ana. Mind you, it was 12:45am.
Ana: "Hi Friend...U Sleeping?"
Me: "No lol still a night owl"
Ana: "Me too. I couldn't sleep so I'm driving around.:) I just drove past ur old houseand both of our old schools...time goes by too f-ing fast! : ( I am freaking out. I'm having a breakdown too! I feel like I'm not doing enough for all the time that's passing!"
I can see she too has the same feeling of unfulfilledness and unaccomplishment. I wonder if its a biological timer that goes off in our brain. Ding, ding, ding! Time to feel sorry for yourself! You are getting "old"
When in all reality we are not old and that is not the main complaint here at all. But this feeling is hard to kick and I've been giving myself mini pep talks that sometimes help and other times don't.
Growing up is hard to do!