MEN.

 

My inner child is pouting.

Ugh. MEN. Why are some of them so clueless? When God assembles men I wonder if at some point in the assembly line he forgets to implant the common sense chip into a small few. Then maybe he remembers later and just thinks oh shit, too late now. 

Sometimes I wonder if one of those few was my boyfriend. I know that sounds mean but I just don't understand how he  can be so booksmart, ace all of his tests, but yet, coming up with something to do for our anniversary is like someone told him he needs to come up with a cure for cancer ASAP.

You see around this time a year I get very bitchy, very critical, and very emotional. Ya see I love this boy. He is kind, caring, loyal, and my bff. But my one gripe with him aside from him always leaving the toilet seat up and somehow always forgetting when his chore days are but keenly remembering what time the 49er's play is his lack of romance and spontaneity. This year on November 4th marks the big 5. Five year anniversary that is. Lets recap the last four shall we:

Year 1: This one was forgivable as a year is only a drop in the bucket but we layed in bed I told him it was our anniversary and he said he didn't know what to do for girls on their anniversary. Whatevs.

Year 2: This year I gave him a few not so subtle reminders that the big 2 was coming up and he still said he didn't know what to do for such an occasion.

Year 3: We went to Best Buy.

Year 4: Once again he had brainstormed nothing because he's a boron. We went to the Olive Garden then came home and cheered because this was the eve Obama was elected president. No plans, no flowers, no cards, no present.

Year 5: _________________________________________________________.

This year I have made MANY reminders and some may say ahem, threats that he better finally do something because all of our other anniversaries have been sheer crap. "Well what do you want to do?" he always asks. "I don't know plan something for once!" I snap back. See I know I shouldn't put such superficial value into anniversaries but I do, oh I do. This is our love celebration! And for all the times I cook, clean, and listen to his loooooong stories I deserve me a celebration! The boy is clueless.

See my family members were extremists when it came to the celebration part of life. When I was 11-years-old and officially entered womanhood my aunt gave me a "Happy First Period" present. Not sure one's hallmark card worthy but hey thats just the kinda of people we are.

I am in suspense. I am wondering if my threats have done the trick. Will this be the year he finally does something for our anniversary? If he doesn't play his cards right I might end up looking like this to him:

To be continued...

Me and the boy. (I look uber asian in this picture)

                                       

                             

                                       

What does your lovey do or not do for you?

Exhausted.

Pretty much how I feel right now.

Aced my Organizational Behavior Management mid-term today. Tomorrow I get the status on my marketing midterm and then thursday I have one more left! I am a in a half-awake state right now so I am going to crash into my bed.

But here's a video I saw first at work a few weeks ago and then today my teacher happened to show it in class.  Hope it brightens your day a little.

Oh and PS I looked at some of your guy's blogs for those of you who left links! Thank you for leaving your blog sites. After Thursday when I am free from this midterm bonanza I will go back and revisit them because I'll be honest I've been really busy this week so I just quickly grazed them.

Fifteen.

I got a few inquiries as to how I lost some of my tubbiness and I would like to share with you what worked for me.

First off, finding a weight loss strategy seems to be like trying to find the perfect man. We see and we know what has worked for others but meh it just isn't what we want so we move on. I mean I see that some celebrities like to get colonics and they are thin, but that doesn't mean I want that tube shoved up my bum. We see some people who are vegan and thin, but no way I am giving up my protein. I see people who have done the cabbage soup diet, the Atkins diet, the grapefruit diet, etc. But ladies, we all know waiting for the perfect man goes kinda like this:                                      

And thats kinda how waiting for the perfect weight loss plan goes sometimes too. We wait and wait and gain and gain until we find THE ONE. The one that you go, oh okay I can do that, thats easy! And there are a lot of plans out there that you see people connecting with so it's so frusterating when they rave about it and you are just like, bleh. It's okay if there isn't something out there for you, if there was something for everyone America would not have any fat people anywhere! So GET OVER IT, its okay.

But anyways, I am not going to give the basics you already know like: Drink lots of water! Exercise! Eat veggies and fruits! Eat lean meats! I think by now you know that.

Instead I am  going to tell you what I did in times I felt like this:

You all know this feeling. When you get that crazy look in your eyes and you are going to devour everything and anything in sight. It's your oopsy I will just start over tomorrow day, but then of course, you don't.

I actually came across the Southbeach Diet book in a thrift store and it was only $1.25 so I got it because when I was about 18 I had half-assed this diet and from what I remembered it wasn't too bad so I figured hey the only damage it's causing is a dollar if it don't like it anyways! So the Southbeach Diet is what I did but only for about 3 weeks because I wanted to jump start my weight loss and expediate the process just a tad.  There's a lot of great websites for the SB diet my favorite being Kalyn's Kitchen. After I did the diet for a few weeks I just crossed over into the eating right and exercising realm because saying you are "on a diet" will eventually make you lose your sanity.

During the diet I was also doing about 25mins of cardio about 4 times a week. I haven't yet gone back to weights but I must!

I also discovered a lot of my weaknesses and how to address them.

Here are some things that were hard for me to give up:

Sugary sweets: chocolate, gummies, icecream.
Sugary drinks: Juice, sometimes soda, chai fraps from Starbucks
Carb heavy foods: Italian food, yummy breaded cheesy goey things!

In order to address these cravings I had to find a substitute for each one. One that would be similarly satisfying in texture and taste.

Replacements:

Sugary sweets:  Russell Stover's sugar free chocolates, they have a great variety at Walmart. Low Fat Fudgsicles, these puppies only have 40 calories (sometimes I would eat like 3 of these in a day : X) and I always get the ones that say "No sugar added." Yoplait Light Yogurts have a TON of variety and even though I am not even a big fan of yogurt I force myself to eat one but they would actually scratch my craving itch pretty good.
Sugary drinks: I would keep a pitcher of Lemonade Crystal Light in the fridge and I also loved having these Crystal Light On-The-Go Packets because they always saved me when I was in a pinch. That is the ONLY flavor of Crystal Light I can drink, the rest have this horrible chemically after taste I can't tolerate. You can find them at Target for pretty cheap. I also started drinking diet coke, water and splenda sweetened iced-tea. But of course water is numero uno.
Carbs: In the Southbeach Diet you have to restrict your carbs but not as dramatically as with the Atkins diet. I actually found out I didn't really miss carbs, they just happen to be incorporated into almost everything we eat.  When I omitted them I didn't have withdrawls : D.  I would make my self a naked chicken parmigiana dish sometimes and that wasn't too bad.

Other tips:

Don't carb load right before bed, unused carbs turn into fatty times!

Include yourself. Last week my love was craving pumpkin pie so I made him one and then I made a healthier version for myself that was crustless and had splenda instead of sugar. Hey I am not saying it is the same as what he was eating but its better than sitting there looking sorry then turning green with envy and having a pig out moment. It made me sing a little song that went something like this "Hey you has pie, I has pie, we all has pie!"  By the way I am patenting that so don't even try to steal it. : P

Fast Food. Okay now you really must think everything I've said is a bunch of crap if I got fast food on here eh? Well no HOLD ON...Let me explain. Sometimes fast food is inevitable when you are hungry and on a short time schedule. But honestly, it has been the place where I have built a lot of my strength and will power to say no. See these days the fast food places offer healthier options, and sometimes when I drove my little self through there I would think Do I really want to order a salad or something grilled? NO. Of course thats not what I want. I want the fried crispy yummy things. My heart rate would escalate because the good vs. evil voices would go crazy in my head. Get it get it get it  say the evil ones. Don't do it, no no no... say the good ones. And all the while I gotta hurry up and make up my mind because the little lady inside the speaker box is pressing me for an answer. So what do I say? I'll take the asian chicken salad with the light dressing and a medium diet coke. DING DING DING. Very good. I must admit there have been times I haven't been good and some how I had the bad case of word vomit. Fast food joints are so naughty  because they provide you with instant gratification and not much judgement is passed upon you since you're in and out. Kinda like a one night stand right? I kid I kid.

Ideally you would want to pre-pack a lunch so you don't even have resort to fast food. I rarely frequent them but when I do I get the healthiest option I can. If you can say no in the heat of temptation and easy gratification then you will be A-Okay when tempted at other places.

So folks thats all I got for now if I remember something else I will be sure to share.

To Be Continued...

I started a post today about how I lost fifteen pounds but I didn't have time to finish it before work. But do stay tuned I will post it maybe later today or tomorrow...

Inquiring minds want to know don't they? Don't you hate to be continued posts? I know I do. I hope every one's Monday isn't going like this:

                       

Oh and welcome all you new followers! So unexpected but so exciting : D. Feel free to leave a linky to your blog and I will be sure to check it out. Have a great day everyone!

Vote or Die.

Should I cut my hair?
	Yes, its too long!
	No! how could you!
	Neutral. I could really give a crap what you do to your hair.
pollcode.com free polls

My hair has grown quite long and I am really not a fan of it right now. It gets caught in places it shouldn't, like when I am closing the car door, thats always fun. Or when I am laying on my side it will sometimes get weaved under my elbow.  When my hair is down the bottom of my scalp turns into a nice little warm oven. This is the longest it has been since I was about 8-years-old.  I want to just chop it all off myself sometimes.

I decided to put a poll up about it to see what you guys think. Never done a poll before but its sunday and I have nothing better to do.

Happy Dance Time.

Normally I don't post moving images on my blog because I think they are distracting and sometimes annoying. But today I am tossin' my rule out the window and folks, this calls for a HAPPY DANCE. So what is all this dancing about?  Well I logged into my site meter today because I hadn't been checking it and I saw a leap in visitors. Hmmm...strange I thought. What is all the commotion about and where did this sudden spawn of interest come from? So I shrugged and figured the next step would be to log into blogger. In my dashboard I saw Ex Hot Girl aka Jen had a new post in my blog up date feed so I went clicky because me likes her blog. And then I saw this:

And folks, that is how the dancing began. I am very excited Jen liked my blog because I am a newbie and it's cool to see that the crazy crap that goes on in my head amuses others. So before I go to bed I would like to say thank you to Jen for giving this newbie a shout out on your wonderful blog, it was really rad of you. And I would also like to say welcome to the new followers, I hope you enjoy it here.

I have a MAJOR dilema here.

I am limbo right now. I have a major problem that is affecting my self esteem as well as my fashion possibilities. It really should make CNN headlines and news crews should be gathered at my door. Paparazzi should be following my every move and attempt to interview me as I do mundane tasks such as pump gas and eat Taco Bell. Unidentified sources should be leaking my secrets. Perezhilton should be ridculing me somewhere and drawing male appendage on my picture. Okay enough with the dramatics already, you get the picture. I am just poking fun at all the CRAP that makes headlines these days. It's like as soon as Octo-Mom starts simmer down, we bring in the train wreck that is Jon and Kate + 8. Never seen the show, don't care to. And currently it is balloon boy and his Dad's PATHETIC attempt (yet unfortunately successful) to garner the attention of people worldwide. What is wrong with people? And why is it so hard to turn away? Why can't we just say okay they're losers, lets move on.

No but seriously, lets move onto what I really came on here to rant about. Okay so ready for my problem??? Here goes...

I am  too fat for my skinny jeans but too skinny for my fat jeans. *Gasp* I know right!?

So literally I am in limbo. I have about 6 pairs of jeans that I am finally able to get up past my bum but that still won't close. Actually there are a few that I could force into closing but only if I were going for the dreaded muffin top effect. The fat jeans that I finally had to break down and buy last December when NONE of my jeans were fitting right are now too loose and making me look as if I soiled myself and just let it hang out in there. That's how soggy-bottomed looking they are. Right now I have ONE pair of jeans that fit  just right. They lift and accentuate my bum and are comfortable at the waist. But I am stubborn and refuse to go out and purchase more jeans that would fit me at this weight because I refuse to stay at this weight!

I've lost and gained weight on and off for as long as I could remember. It would fluctuate somewhere between 1-10lbs. But this time around I gained A LOT more in a short span of time. Late 2007 was stressful for me and I had definitely started to nourish my worries with food. I was planning on moving up to California with the bf and I think we both were very anxious about it. I probably gained about 12 lbs around this time.

2008 was even more stressful than 2007. It was difficult being in a new place

2008 I didn't lose the weight I had gained. In fact in early 2008 I wasn't really even that aware that I had gained that much weight, I just thought that the dryers in my apartment complex were different than the ones at my house. TOTAL DENIAL. I was adjusting and it wasn't easy for me. I would eagerly look forward to going back to Arizona to visit my family and friends but at the same time dread it. My family would comment on the weight gain and would always say something like "Oh don't worry you'll lose it, you always do." But then about every 6 months when they would see me I clearly hadn't lost it but usually came back having packed on a pound or two, or three. I told myself of course I can do it, but right now for some reason I don't WANT to do it but when I want to I will be able to do it, just like old times. But you know what it wasn't easy! Somehow I had lost that firm discipline and determination I had always mustered up in years past. I gained about 8 lbs that year.

So 2009 came and I STILL hadn't lost the weight I had wanted to in 2008. I wasn't stress eating nearly as much as I had been in 07' & 08'. But I didn't really have a plan of action either. So up until May of 2009 I gained another 5 lbs I'd say. And finally at the end of May something in me just clicked. In the morning when you are supposed to be at your lightest I weighed myself and the digital scale read 159. I was going back to Arizona for my brothers high school graduation still cheeky-faced and soft.

I am sick of this shit I said to myself. Enough of this crap what the fuck is wrong with you are you that pathetic and weak minded with your self control and discipline? What are you slowly going to climb your way up to 170 and then 180....and then what? You're 22, these are your young years where you are supposed to be a hot bitch. I really gave myself a verbal lashing.  But a realistic one. I told my self this is the LAST time you go back to Arizona being a fatty. Let this  be the last time your Mom doesn't see that once again haven't lost the weight you intended to. And stop with the bullshit of I have to lose ten pounds in one month or something is wrong with me and I am damned to stay fat forever. No! STOP being unrealistic it doesn't matter how fast or slow you are losing the weight as long as you are making progress. So I told myself I was going to lose weight but not set deadlines.

So I stuck to my guns and set a goal. I said to myself don't put a lot of pressure on yourself and stay focused. My goal was to at least look noticibly thinner to my mom when she came to visit me in early September of this year. So I had June, July, and August to make progress. Well folks I am proud to tell you that I made 15 lbs of progress. A round of applause please! When my mom came she said "Hey, you've lost weight, your face looks thinner." I BEAMED. I smiled. THANK YOU! My mom see's I do still have the discipline and determination I always had!  Now I hope you don't think my mom is some weight obsessed anorexic witch who criticizes her daughter for the fun of it. No, she would notice I would get kinda down about it so she would maybe mention it once, at most twice.  Not in a mean way, but in a I just want you to feel good about yourself kind of way.

So currently I have been sitting still at 144 but haven't made much progress because I fell off the exercising regularly wagon but stayed on the eating right wagon. So I've simply maintained. But now it's  time to lose! And while I am not setting a set amount of weight to lose I am setting the goal making the numbers on the scale go down by December 23rd, 2009. Yes folks, that is when I go back to Arizona for judgement day.

It is mighty embarassing telling you about how I got tubby and it certainly isn't my proudest moment but screw it. I am holding myself accountable by posting this. I know not even that many people read this blog right now but still I am putting it out there and mark my words.

 Here is my statement released by my publicist:

"On December 23rd, 2009 on the website http://www.thislittlegirldreams.blogspot.com/ there will be a post announcing the weight loss progress and  success of the determined author. Admission is free."

So there it is for you, in blood. Well ok not blood but close enough.

So now I shall depart and leave you with these photos from when I fit into ALL of my skinny jeans.

Me in April of 2006. Not the

tightest tummy in town but

certainly better than now.

My friend Rachel and I. This was

in June 2006.  

New shorts! This was in June 2006.

At one of my physical peaks. I was running

a lot here. As well as doing weights.

This isn't a clear picture

but this was when my bum

was great shape. I was squatting

around 100 lbs and doing

deadlifts. Everyone was

commenting on how

voluptuous my new tight

and toned tush was!

What I do best

This is not me in the pic by the way.

I don't look this cute when I am 

studying.  I look a mess.

This is so typical of me. Studying at the last minute. If you look in the dictionary for the term "procrastination" you might just find my picture in there. I never seem to get this 'doing things ahead of time' thing right. I have every intention to. Really I do. I make excellent plans in my head of what it is I need to do. I make a schedule, tell myself to jot it down, etc. But somehow my  thoughts just don't really turn into actions.

Okay anyways back to studying for the mid-term I have tomorrow at 9:20am.

Wish Me Luck Folks.

Good day.

Are you as in love as I am?

I do simply adore this look. The healthy pale radiant skin. Dark hair and mysterious eyes. Such eloquent colors.

Things on my mind these days.

The fridge is empty.

Benny: You're getting paid soon aren't you?
Me: Yes I am, this week.
Benny: I can tell.
Me. Hmm? What do you mean? How?
Benny: The fridge is empty.
Me: Oh yes, yes it is.

The dreaded empty fridge. Today is pay day and it is my duty as an unwed house wife to promptly restock the damn appliance. Which of course I shall as soon as I get off work. 

The words Pay Day used to bring joy into my once simple life. Now they make me go, meh. Bleh, meh, sigh. Back when I was under my parents wing and unwavering care, pay days used to be a celebration, a rush, a high, an anxious excitement. Now they are just a reminder of my obligations and right now the phrase " You Make Money Just to Lose Money" is quit fitting.

I make about $400 every two weeks and heres how it's allocated every two weeks: 

Right now my monthly obligations obliterate 78.50% of my paycheck. (oh yes, I did just calculate that.)

That leaves me with a grand total of $ 172 dollars a month. But somehow that cash ends up slipping through my fingers like sand with unexpected bills or improper calculations.

Despite the fact that none of that money is mine. It gives me a feverish ambition to pull through and work harder and truly make something of myself. It gives me that extra pep in my step when I am lugging my lazy arse around campus.

But at this point in my life I dread and loathe those two words.  It feels like a once blistful marriage that went awfully awry. The spark is  gone...but only for now.

Some what of an introduction...

Surely I have far better photos archived in my computer but this one describes me to a T.  Confused,  eating, and listening intently. And my cousin, well she's off giggling about something or other.
   

Hello wee world...welcome to my  blog. Do follow, for there are more interesting blatherings to come. This one is just a hello, as it is late and far past my bed time. Sweet dreams hoodlums.