Fifteen.

I got a few inquiries as to how I lost some of my tubbiness and I would like to share with you what worked for me.

First off, finding a weight loss strategy seems to be like trying to find the perfect man. We see and we know what has worked for others but meh it just isn't what we want so we move on. I mean I see that some celebrities like to get colonics and they are thin, but that doesn't mean I want that tube shoved up my bum. We see some people who are vegan and thin, but no way I am giving up my protein. I see people who have done the cabbage soup diet, the Atkins diet, the grapefruit diet, etc. But ladies, we all know waiting for the perfect man goes kinda like this:                                      

And thats kinda how waiting for the perfect weight loss plan goes sometimes too. We wait and wait and gain and gain until we find THE ONE. The one that you go, oh okay I can do that, thats easy! And there are a lot of plans out there that you see people connecting with so it's so frusterating when they rave about it and you are just like, bleh. It's okay if there isn't something out there for you, if there was something for everyone America would not have any fat people anywhere! So GET OVER IT, its okay.

But anyways, I am not going to give the basics you already know like: Drink lots of water! Exercise! Eat veggies and fruits! Eat lean meats! I think by now you know that.

Instead I am  going to tell you what I did in times I felt like this:

You all know this feeling. When you get that crazy look in your eyes and you are going to devour everything and anything in sight. It's your oopsy I will just start over tomorrow day, but then of course, you don't.

I actually came across the Southbeach Diet book in a thrift store and it was only $1.25 so I got it because when I was about 18 I had half-assed this diet and from what I remembered it wasn't too bad so I figured hey the only damage it's causing is a dollar if it don't like it anyways! So the Southbeach Diet is what I did but only for about 3 weeks because I wanted to jump start my weight loss and expediate the process just a tad.  There's a lot of great websites for the SB diet my favorite being Kalyn's Kitchen. After I did the diet for a few weeks I just crossed over into the eating right and exercising realm because saying you are "on a diet" will eventually make you lose your sanity.

During the diet I was also doing about 25mins of cardio about 4 times a week. I haven't yet gone back to weights but I must!

I also discovered a lot of my weaknesses and how to address them.

Here are some things that were hard for me to give up:

Sugary sweets: chocolate, gummies, icecream.
Sugary drinks: Juice, sometimes soda, chai fraps from Starbucks
Carb heavy foods: Italian food, yummy breaded cheesy goey things!

In order to address these cravings I had to find a substitute for each one. One that would be similarly satisfying in texture and taste.

Replacements:

Sugary sweets:  Russell Stover's sugar free chocolates, they have a great variety at Walmart. Low Fat Fudgsicles, these puppies only have 40 calories (sometimes I would eat like 3 of these in a day : X) and I always get the ones that say "No sugar added." Yoplait Light Yogurts have a TON of variety and even though I am not even a big fan of yogurt I force myself to eat one but they would actually scratch my craving itch pretty good.
Sugary drinks: I would keep a pitcher of Lemonade Crystal Light in the fridge and I also loved having these Crystal Light On-The-Go Packets because they always saved me when I was in a pinch. That is the ONLY flavor of Crystal Light I can drink, the rest have this horrible chemically after taste I can't tolerate. You can find them at Target for pretty cheap. I also started drinking diet coke, water and splenda sweetened iced-tea. But of course water is numero uno.
Carbs: In the Southbeach Diet you have to restrict your carbs but not as dramatically as with the Atkins diet. I actually found out I didn't really miss carbs, they just happen to be incorporated into almost everything we eat.  When I omitted them I didn't have withdrawls : D.  I would make my self a naked chicken parmigiana dish sometimes and that wasn't too bad.

Other tips:

Don't carb load right before bed, unused carbs turn into fatty times!

Include yourself. Last week my love was craving pumpkin pie so I made him one and then I made a healthier version for myself that was crustless and had splenda instead of sugar. Hey I am not saying it is the same as what he was eating but its better than sitting there looking sorry then turning green with envy and having a pig out moment. It made me sing a little song that went something like this "Hey you has pie, I has pie, we all has pie!"  By the way I am patenting that so don't even try to steal it. : P

Fast Food. Okay now you really must think everything I've said is a bunch of crap if I got fast food on here eh? Well no HOLD ON...Let me explain. Sometimes fast food is inevitable when you are hungry and on a short time schedule. But honestly, it has been the place where I have built a lot of my strength and will power to say no. See these days the fast food places offer healthier options, and sometimes when I drove my little self through there I would think Do I really want to order a salad or something grilled? NO. Of course thats not what I want. I want the fried crispy yummy things. My heart rate would escalate because the good vs. evil voices would go crazy in my head. Get it get it get it  say the evil ones. Don't do it, no no no... say the good ones. And all the while I gotta hurry up and make up my mind because the little lady inside the speaker box is pressing me for an answer. So what do I say? I'll take the asian chicken salad with the light dressing and a medium diet coke. DING DING DING. Very good. I must admit there have been times I haven't been good and some how I had the bad case of word vomit. Fast food joints are so naughty  because they provide you with instant gratification and not much judgement is passed upon you since you're in and out. Kinda like a one night stand right? I kid I kid.

Ideally you would want to pre-pack a lunch so you don't even have resort to fast food. I rarely frequent them but when I do I get the healthiest option I can. If you can say no in the heat of temptation and easy gratification then you will be A-Okay when tempted at other places.

So folks thats all I got for now if I remember something else I will be sure to share.

I have a MAJOR dilema here.

I am limbo right now. I have a major problem that is affecting my self esteem as well as my fashion possibilities. It really should make CNN headlines and news crews should be gathered at my door. Paparazzi should be following my every move and attempt to interview me as I do mundane tasks such as pump gas and eat Taco Bell. Unidentified sources should be leaking my secrets. Perezhilton should be ridculing me somewhere and drawing male appendage on my picture. Okay enough with the dramatics already, you get the picture. I am just poking fun at all the CRAP that makes headlines these days. It's like as soon as Octo-Mom starts simmer down, we bring in the train wreck that is Jon and Kate + 8. Never seen the show, don't care to. And currently it is balloon boy and his Dad's PATHETIC attempt (yet unfortunately successful) to garner the attention of people worldwide. What is wrong with people? And why is it so hard to turn away? Why can't we just say okay they're losers, lets move on.

No but seriously, lets move onto what I really came on here to rant about. Okay so ready for my problem??? Here goes...

I am  too fat for my skinny jeans but too skinny for my fat jeans. *Gasp* I know right!?

So literally I am in limbo. I have about 6 pairs of jeans that I am finally able to get up past my bum but that still won't close. Actually there are a few that I could force into closing but only if I were going for the dreaded muffin top effect. The fat jeans that I finally had to break down and buy last December when NONE of my jeans were fitting right are now too loose and making me look as if I soiled myself and just let it hang out in there. That's how soggy-bottomed looking they are. Right now I have ONE pair of jeans that fit  just right. They lift and accentuate my bum and are comfortable at the waist. But I am stubborn and refuse to go out and purchase more jeans that would fit me at this weight because I refuse to stay at this weight!

I've lost and gained weight on and off for as long as I could remember. It would fluctuate somewhere between 1-10lbs. But this time around I gained A LOT more in a short span of time. Late 2007 was stressful for me and I had definitely started to nourish my worries with food. I was planning on moving up to California with the bf and I think we both were very anxious about it. I probably gained about 12 lbs around this time.

2008 was even more stressful than 2007. It was difficult being in a new place

2008 I didn't lose the weight I had gained. In fact in early 2008 I wasn't really even that aware that I had gained that much weight, I just thought that the dryers in my apartment complex were different than the ones at my house. TOTAL DENIAL. I was adjusting and it wasn't easy for me. I would eagerly look forward to going back to Arizona to visit my family and friends but at the same time dread it. My family would comment on the weight gain and would always say something like "Oh don't worry you'll lose it, you always do." But then about every 6 months when they would see me I clearly hadn't lost it but usually came back having packed on a pound or two, or three. I told myself of course I can do it, but right now for some reason I don't WANT to do it but when I want to I will be able to do it, just like old times. But you know what it wasn't easy! Somehow I had lost that firm discipline and determination I had always mustered up in years past. I gained about 8 lbs that year.

So 2009 came and I STILL hadn't lost the weight I had wanted to in 2008. I wasn't stress eating nearly as much as I had been in 07' & 08'. But I didn't really have a plan of action either. So up until May of 2009 I gained another 5 lbs I'd say. And finally at the end of May something in me just clicked. In the morning when you are supposed to be at your lightest I weighed myself and the digital scale read 159. I was going back to Arizona for my brothers high school graduation still cheeky-faced and soft.

I am sick of this shit I said to myself. Enough of this crap what the fuck is wrong with you are you that pathetic and weak minded with your self control and discipline? What are you slowly going to climb your way up to 170 and then 180....and then what? You're 22, these are your young years where you are supposed to be a hot bitch. I really gave myself a verbal lashing.  But a realistic one. I told my self this is the LAST time you go back to Arizona being a fatty. Let this  be the last time your Mom doesn't see that once again haven't lost the weight you intended to. And stop with the bullshit of I have to lose ten pounds in one month or something is wrong with me and I am damned to stay fat forever. No! STOP being unrealistic it doesn't matter how fast or slow you are losing the weight as long as you are making progress. So I told myself I was going to lose weight but not set deadlines.

So I stuck to my guns and set a goal. I said to myself don't put a lot of pressure on yourself and stay focused. My goal was to at least look noticibly thinner to my mom when she came to visit me in early September of this year. So I had June, July, and August to make progress. Well folks I am proud to tell you that I made 15 lbs of progress. A round of applause please! When my mom came she said "Hey, you've lost weight, your face looks thinner." I BEAMED. I smiled. THANK YOU! My mom see's I do still have the discipline and determination I always had!  Now I hope you don't think my mom is some weight obsessed anorexic witch who criticizes her daughter for the fun of it. No, she would notice I would get kinda down about it so she would maybe mention it once, at most twice.  Not in a mean way, but in a I just want you to feel good about yourself kind of way.

So currently I have been sitting still at 144 but haven't made much progress because I fell off the exercising regularly wagon but stayed on the eating right wagon. So I've simply maintained. But now it's  time to lose! And while I am not setting a set amount of weight to lose I am setting the goal making the numbers on the scale go down by December 23rd, 2009. Yes folks, that is when I go back to Arizona for judgement day.

It is mighty embarassing telling you about how I got tubby and it certainly isn't my proudest moment but screw it. I am holding myself accountable by posting this. I know not even that many people read this blog right now but still I am putting it out there and mark my words.

 Here is my statement released by my publicist:

"On December 23rd, 2009 on the website http://www.thislittlegirldreams.blogspot.com/ there will be a post announcing the weight loss progress and  success of the determined author. Admission is free."

So there it is for you, in blood. Well ok not blood but close enough.

So now I shall depart and leave you with these photos from when I fit into ALL of my skinny jeans.

Me in April of 2006. Not the

tightest tummy in town but

certainly better than now.

My friend Rachel and I. This was

in June 2006.  

New shorts! This was in June 2006.

At one of my physical peaks. I was running

a lot here. As well as doing weights.

This isn't a clear picture

but this was when my bum

was great shape. I was squatting

around 100 lbs and doing

deadlifts. Everyone was

commenting on how

voluptuous my new tight

and toned tush was!