This is where my life happens. Welcome!

Monday, June 14, 2010

I have a wrinkle

The years of my twenties are rather strange. As things in life that have never occurred before are suddenly happening unexpectedly and uninvitedly. For instance, while it feels it was just yesterday I was being asked what college I was going to go to, or what my young 18-year-old self wanted to be I find myself now  being asked more adult like questions. As a soon to be 24-year-old people now inquire as to when I will have children, when I will get married... this is all so baffling to me as I feel no where near ready to title myself as a mother or a wife.

Today as my narcissistic self has done for many years I was indulging in art of outstretching my arm and taking a picture of me and the person next to me while the family and I paraded about San Francisco. Except today as I reviewed the photos and saw this...

I have some wrinklies under my right eye. Where, how, and when did these wrinkies get here I asked my puzzled self? Is it the soap I am using?!? The Bare Minerals??!? Am I aging prematurely for my age? Did I do my make up weird today?

No self, its just time. With time comes aging duh.

But it all feels so soon! These wrinklies weren't there two years ago and is it quite possible wrinkles just sprout to noticible maturity overnight!?!

It does not help that I have the most baby faced boyfriend ever. Ben has a face that is shaped in favor of looking younger, his skin is plump with collagen, and he is practically hairless. People always guess he is waaaaay younger than what he is. Today as my family probed him for his age one unrelated, friend of a family member said Ben looked younger than me! I am 24 and Ben is 29. Slap to the face. Upon just discovering my wrinklies on my camera hours earlier this comment was even more bruising to the ego.

My mind and heart still feels young. Which is why I find the wear and tear to be so unsettling.

Really, I am going to get myself some wonderful eyecream. Pronto.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Because I like to make excuses for myself

I like how in my pre-laptop days I was convinced I would most definitely blog more if I ever had a wonderous laptop. Now here I am, about 2 months with a laptop and the post consistency has faired the same.

I've been doing that a lot lately. Thinking I have valid reasons not to do something. For instance, I was convinced I could not study at home because Ben can be so damn chatty and distracting. But now that he has a weekend job and I have the time span from 11-6 all to me and me only, I still can't study. I had to take my incompetent ass to the library.

I have a love hate relationship with this blog I must admit. Sometimes I feel like writing and other times I think I rather peel potatoes.

I have been figuring out a lot of things lately. And I've come to a conclusion. Your twenties are bittersweet. No, seriously.

Sure they are most likely the best looking years of your life if you are into collagen and elasticity (um, yes please!) but, they are also a time of self discovery. And the self discovery thought process goes a little like this..

Am I really happy? Or am I just unhappy because I am too young and dumb to know any better? Am I really mad? Am I overexaggerating? Am I supposed to feel this way? Am I normal? Am I going about this the right way?

And you know some of the pestering questions have been answered but some still remain to unravel as I progressively age.

For instance in my teens I thought one day I would seek a profession where I could help others because gosh, I love helping others. Let me teach, let me guide, let me service!

But then with time I realized that I don't really like helping people a whole lot UNLESS I deem them sufficiently worthy. And lets just say my standards are high. No, no, no...don't judge. This is surely logical.

See for instance I don't help the dingbat from one of my classes who hasn't attended one class because he is just soooo cool by giving him copies of all of my notes. Nope, sorry. Not worthy.

But I do help the elderly and open doors for them and the such.

So there. My logic has been proven.

I guess my point is that the twenties are just all about trial and error. Until you finally get the pattern and realize someday that you are fully aware of exactly how you want to live your life.

If I am lucky that will happen around the time I am forty.