This is where my life happens. Welcome!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


On January 4th, 2008 I left Tucson to move to Northern, CA.

Love gave me an ultimatum. It said, listen either you keep me or let me go. Love is my love (Ben) and the love of a relationship.

So like a love struck puppy I said Love! I am going with you.

I left the town I'd known since I was 3 years of age for the unknown.

It was the scariest thing I ever did but I am so grateful I did it. See folks I've grown in ways I never thought possible. Being (semi) independant I learned how to hold my shit down okay?

I've braved freeways, and Asians, and admissions offices, landed a job my first week here, I even drove in San Francisco. I drove in one of the most confusing and overpopulated cities all by myself! (I almost ran over a Filipino lady but thats besides the point okay.) I've braved the BART. I've seen Golden Gate Park, do you know how beautiful it is there? I've seen so many things I would have never seen and I've developed a few calluses on this new thick skin of mine.

Oh but it wasn't always this good. I must admit my first year in sunny California I was a complete and utter mess. A complete friendless fish out of water. I really thought I wasn't going to make it. I've lost count of how many times I sincerely told myself, "Ferni I think you can fit every thing you need in your Sentra and just drive back to Tucson." But see one thing about me is that I am not a quitter. I may at times be a half asser and a grazer byer but I'll get it done.
So I said to myself. No. You will stay.

For the first year I longed for my city. I longed to drive the one freeway we have. I longed to see the desert on a regular basis. I longed for the calm, uneventfulness. I longed for everything. And every time I went back I felt the warmth of everything that was once home.

Everytime except this last visit. See, Tucson and I normally have our little chats as soon as I get back. I say, Tucson I really missed you I am glad to see you again and I tell Tucson of all the places I am so happy to see again. And Tucson says, well Ferni I am so glad to have you back here! But this time, I said Tucson, you know I don't miss you so much anymore. And Tucson stayed quiet.

See I don't know how to break it to the boy but I've always been the adventurous type who likes continual change and adapting to new environments. (Its hard to foreworn someone of something you didn't know about yourself until recently) The plan is to move back to Tucson after we finish school here in December of 2010. But after this last visit I think me and Tucson might be dunzo for a while. I kinda just broke up with Tucson on my last visit.

I have a hunger for new experiences in a new city when I finish school. Where the road will take me is yet to be discovered...

If any of you have lived in one place the majority of your life I encourage you to be brave and explore new pastures! You may hate yourself for it in the beginning but I have a good feeling you might thank yourself for it in the end.


  1. I agree...experiencing life in a totally new place is unbelievable!!!

    I was able to live in Dublin Ireland for a few months and near Lincoln Nebraska for a few months..but have otherwise lived in the same boring town my entire life! I would love to move and see change and grow....

  2. I can totally understand this! I think we don't really know what we're capable of until we push ourselves out of a comfort zone.

    I had lived in the Chicago area my whole life until I moved to Tucson in 2003. I'm so glad I lived there for 2.5 years, as it was just long enough to get past the homesickness & to enjoy it.

    I say I miss AZ for the reasons you list, but I don't know I really do as much as my memories say I do. I block out the homeless people & crime, and remember hiking Sabino Canyon & my friends there. I'm sure you know what I mean. Then one day it's like we've outgrown the past.

  3. I am so scared to move! I soo want to though.. like I want to pick up and leave this state and just go somewhere different! you have alot of guts!