Finding Me

Today I'd been wanting to do something I'd never done since moving up to California. I wanted to get in my car, and just drive. Just drive to a destination of peace. I drove over the San Mateo Bridge and to Half Moon Bay.

I walked down this path.

Sat in this bench.

And looked at this.

I contemplated and analyzed my current point in life.

I don't know whats been wrong with my lately. In the mornings I don't want to get up. I can't think of one thing that makes me want to jump up and seize the day. My senses lack invigoration. I feel subdued, mundane, and bored. Numb. I've never felt this way before for this long.

And all I could do was really pray. Pray for answers. Pray to be at peace with pending decisions. I prayed for the burden of sadness to go away. I prayed for the pain to go away. I prayed for clarity.

I took an online emotional wellness test administered by the school. The results? Depression.

I am scared.