its time.

Sunshine on a cloudy day.

I am writing to you from Tiredville. Population 1. Hour: 1:30 am. Sanity? Low.

I've been thinking a lot lately in the midst of my problems I found myself droning in negativity and being a tad pessimistic on and off the past couple weeks.

(Hold on Ben is breaking my train of thought as he tells me something random -_-)  Yes he is also up at this ungodly hour.

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Ok I think he's done... Nope wait! ...
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There!

Okay as I was saying. I have been a bit of a Debbie Downer with the thoughts that have been running around in my analytical little head. But one can only think like that for so long before tiring of it. I've been thinking about being more proactively positive lately. Actually acting on a thought and not just letting it slip away and be gone forever.

How many times have we thought to say something nice but with held from doing it for one reason or other?

How hard would it be just to say...

Hey, your hair looks nice today? (Why thank you it only took me 2 hours to do it!)

Something simple. Something nice. Something sincere.

I started following Carrie from Carrot Speak (No she does not grow carrots) a while ago and saw she has a little thing called Making a Difference Mondays. She does a good deed then tells you of it. She's a real nice gal and the things she does are heartfelt and simple.  I love how she found a way to infuse positive vibes into her life. I've been a silent reader and observer of her MADM but now its time to jump in. Its time to get off my "Hilary Duff" as Ben would say and do something.

See, my life is full of unfinished good deeds. Thoughts that never transformed into a good deed and just went unattended. Here are 3 that haunt me.

1. Two years ago there was a little boy who was buying some comic book stickers in front of me while I was in line at Target. It was rather adorable he counted out his change and proudly waited to hear the amount as the lady scanned the purchase. He must have been about seven-years-old. Unfortunately the stickers were about 50 cents more than what he could afford. He dropped his head and simply slid the stickers back toward the cashier and said "Oh I am sorry I don't have enough, Thank you." And walked away towards the exit. I feel so guilty for not having bought the poor kid those stickers. I didn't even know him but to think of how it would have lit up his world makes me bite the inside of my cheek with regret.

2. A few weeks ago I got off work later than I had anticipated and rushed over to the Verizon store in order to get my brother a new phone. I strolled in there at about 7:45 pm and I was certain they closed at 9pm since they were located in a rather busy area. So I took my sweet ass time asking questions and pondering what a good phone would be and since you get caught up in these mental decisions you lose track of whats going on around you. When I came to, I noticed I was the only one left in the store and that one of the employees was starting to close the drawers. Shit. What time do you guys close? 8:00pm he answered. It was 8:20. I felt instant guilt because I used to work retail and it is the worst feeling in a world when after a long day of working some A-hole customer walks in 5 mins before closing only to take their sweet as time and theres not a damn thing you can do about it (except smile and hurl mental curse words their way through your clenched teeth). I quickly apologized and hurried. One of the reasons I also didn't notice what was going is because the Verizon employee wasn't at all rude to me, I heard no tones of urgence, not one loud sigh, no dirty looks. He just went on as if the store closed at midnight. When I left I thought to myself, I should write the head of the manager of this Verizon store a letter letting him know that I had recieved excellent customer service from a dude named Nic. But then I didn't do shit.

3. I was cutting through the grass with my friend Crystal on one of our routine walks through Lake Elizabeth in Fremont, CA when I found a dog tag. It was a blue bone-shaped tag with the name JoJo on it. I put this tag in an envelope addressed to the location on the tag and even wrote a lil' note in there saying "Found your dog tag! Thought you might need it : )." That envelope is still in my purse.

See aren't I just full of good intentions??? But I guess you would never know it huh.

Well those days are over.

Starting this Monday December 7th, 2009, I am going to start participating in the game and stop sitting on the sidelines.

GO ME.