The Return of The Fern

I've been a miniature hiatus for good reasons. See the week before this past week I was in the midst of a finals hurricane. My procrastination is ridiculous and I paid for it. Hard. But somehow I always pull it off. Not smoothly. But hey whatever right?

So last weekend I went to San Diego with my friend, her sister, and her daughter. Upon my arrival back home I decided it was damn time me and Ben go on a mini vacay. So the next day our hotel was booked in the ghetto of LA and we drove down this past thursday. Our hotel was so ghetto we decided to only stay in it the first night and the second night we stayed with my Uncle Lalo. See, he isn't really my uncle but we just call him that because its better than saying "He's my mom's gay friend." I mean how impersonal does that sound?

Lalo invited me and Ben to a gay club. A latino gay club. Do you understand what a gay club in LA means? OMG. It was like the mecca of gays united and we were teleported into the land of the Happy. It was wonderful! Thinly plucked eyebrows were abundantly present. Swiveling hips with no curves. But also there were men there I would have never ever penned for gay. Seriously!

And do you know what? The gays looooooved Benny! And Benny loves the gays! Except Benny isn't gay obvs. So it was all kinds of funny.

I'd never been to a gay club of this level. I mean it was insanity. We had a blast. And the gays play the best music everrrrr. Lady GaGa and Brit Brit were steadys in the DJ's playlist. Um hello! Heaven!

And me and the boy beached it a lot. Southern California beaches are a thing of magic. Warm, sunny, and deeeeelicious. Right when we first got to the beach me and Ben got into a bit of a tiff and for the first 30 mins he was in the car pouting and I was on the beach pouting. Then I realized this could go on forever so I sent him a text telling him to get his baby butt out here on the beach. And then he did. And then we did this...

The neighbors watched my retarded cat Free Free. They played with her and gave her lovin' while me and the boy were away.

Our neighbor likes to hang out in our home and watch our television despite the fact that he has his own. Isn't that hysterical? We can always tell because the settings on the TV are all messed up and the remote is never where we leave it. Whatever. We don't mind.

Our trip was wonderful. Although I was a little sad to find out Ben isn't as crazy about LA as I am. I loooooove LA. I mean its not healthy now bad I want to live there. I am mental. City lungs and traffic and superficiality. Oh but the beaaaaaaaach. I love the beach.

And I guess I love the people.

But most of all I love doing this...

Napping on the beach

miss miss miss!

I have been writing posts in my head all day. Lovely posts I wish to write. Do you ever do that? Do you ever speak in blog inside your head? As if you are narrating the post and mentally prepping it?

I think its weird that I do that.

I am in the midst of finals week so unfortunately my lovely mind posts can't make it here because its 3:30am and I must put my little head down to sleep.

I will be back soooooooooooon.

San Francisco

Thursday I went to the city. The city was calling me. It had been a while.

I decided to dress trendy so I wore this...

Headless.

 Then I threw on a scarf and sweater because the city is birrrrr!

See all the girls in San Francisco dress trendy. I was taking mental notes left and right... thinking hmmm?? Never thought to put that together, but it looks good!

I called these girls, fashion girls.

Fashion girls aren't the nicest. But thats okay because I am not that nice either. : P Girls are funny creatures. So much more analytical of eachother than men are. When you see men in public places they always look like they have their heads up their ass. Daydreaming. Lost in outer space.

And girls. Oh girls. What are you going to do with them? Competitive, feisty little bitches. Especially in big cities. You'll be lucky if you get a smile out of a fashion girl. You get bumped sometimes and maybe an excuse me. I got bumped twice. Apparently some people taking shopping very seriously.

Oh but do you know what its like to shop in San Francisco? It is the most fucking epic thing ever (I had to throw the F word in there to startle you so you realize how serious I am about shopping in San Francisco). You take the BART there and it drops you off at Powell which leads straight into the Westfield Mall. The Westfield Mall is a thing of dreams. Gucci, Armani, and Bloomingdales dreams. Not much time was spent in there. Because my wallet isn't quite ready for those dreams.

The destination was Market street. An Old Navy, H & M, 3 story Forever 21, Marshalls, Ross, DSW shoe store, Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, Gap, and the list goes on and on and ooooon. All with in 50 feet of eachother. Could you just die? Stocked to the brim! Big city style.

I went in my heels and tights and dress. And as soon as you get off that Bart let me tell you something honey, you don't walk. You strut. Work it girl.

I love going to the city. There I don't feel so weird. Because I am in a sea of weirdos, fashion girls, business types, hippies, etc. And the cities hustle and bustle makes you feel so small and insignificant that suddenly you realize your worries are really just so silly.

After a few wonderful hours of shopping my strut turned into a waddle. And then my waddle told me my feet were going to spark revenge upon me the next day. And sure enough they did. My baby feet hurt.

But it was worth it. So worth it. I shall show you what I put together in the future!

The most EPIC F21 ever. Look how tiny the people are. Its sad.

The glory that is Market Street.

(P.S the lady in the pink sweater on the lower right, NOT a fashion girl)

Now if you have never been to a big city I recommend San Francisco. It is a great place to start. And its really such a tiny city that you can get anywhere in a cinch.

You're welcome.

A bit of a dilema here.

Today was different. Today on March 8th, 2010 I wasn't my usual self. Despite staying up till 5am last night finishing a power point presentation and a paper, I was in unusually high spirits. Luck of the draw landed me a slot on the first day of presentations. It's better to just get it over with right? I didn't do very good because I had just finished picking my topic and forming a presentation so it wasn't my best performance at public speaking, but I faired much better than I did in the 8th grade. When my voice trembled worse than someone's shitty base in a richety old car. Oh but it was because of the ever so dreamy Mr. Daniel Brown. The  cutest Mormon boy ever. My thirteen-year-old self turned to putty when he was around. I totally bombed my presentation from the sheer nerves of him watching me. And then I wanted to crawl into a hole and die when I saw him giggle with no restraint.

Daniel Brown is the reason I don't judge the Twi-hards. Or Jonas Brothers fans. Or even ugggghhhh the Clay Aiken fans. The heart can't help when it palpitates uncontrollably!

And then there was senior year in high school. I didn't get much sleep and skipped breakfast on the day we had our presentations for our "What I want to do with my life" paper. I had the usual nerves but once I got up to present my nerves turned into excitement and apparently my body couldn't handle the sudden emotional shift. And the fact that I had nothing in my tummy to fuel my body to hold such levels of emotional capacity made for a very interesting day. Suddenly, there I was holding my big foam, science poster covered with Home and Garden pictures and was ready to talk about how I wanted to be an interior designer, when it happened. Suddenly, my classmates started to slowly disappear into a black haze and I blinked to see if my eyes would grant me back my vision. And then I felt extremely dizzy, weak, and disorientated. And then the voice in my head that detected emergencies said aloud, "HOLY SHIT! You are going to faint!" And in that moment I told the teacher "I feel sick, can I go to the nurse?" Right smack dab in the middle of my presentation. Another bomb. Needless to say I ended up presenting on a different day. (It was embarassing to halt my presentation but it was better than dropping dead from clamy nerves in front of my classmates SENIOR year.)

But anyways, back to today. I was feeling unusually chipper. I felt light on my feet, confident, accomplished, and I just felt like helping everyone. For once when I had to do my job the voice in my head didn't groan and say, "I don't want to do that" or "Ugh" or "I hate my job." I thought, "With pleasure!" and "I would love to help!"

Let me tell you it is rare for me to think this way because my job is physically demanding so I never want to do much of it! And since they got rid of the other therapist I've been on double duty.

Today folks was an example of what goes around comes around. Good karma as they say. One of the patients today was in particularly more pain than usual so she asked me if I could do some ultrasound  on her (you may know US as what detects babies but its also used as physical therapy to heal muscle). I made sure to work extra hard on her sore spots and even ultra sounded her forearms which she said were in great pain. Not one moment of this bothered me. And you don't understand, I hate doing ultrasounds with a passion. They kill my shoulders. But today like I said, was just different.

So I bid the patient farewell and told her I hoped she'd feel better. I went to tend to the patient in the next room when I heard...Ferni!

It was the patient I had just done the ultrasound on calling me and I rushed back frightened something had happened. Cramp? Fall? Shooting pains? But when I rushed into the room I saw a 20 dollar bill staring me in the face. "I can't accept that!" I told her. "No, no, just take it!" She urged. "No, I can't its my job, I feel bad taking that from you." This exchange occured for about a minute when she finally said, "SHHHH, Shhhhh just don't tell anybody! Just take it!" I must say I felt overly compensated for only ultrasounding her for about 10 minutes. (I was only supposed to do 4 minutes)

I finally accepted the 20 dollar bill and thanked her again.

I must say it isn't settling well with me that I took her money. It's funny how we can accept gifts and candy but when it comes to the hard cash it just tugs at us.

I planned to tell the doctor as soon as I had a chance but he was so busy all day in consultations and finally when he was available I began having my doubts of telling him for fear of his reaction.

Would he be mad at me for taking the money?

Would he be happy someone liked one of his employees so much that they gave them a very generous tip?

Would he lecture me on how I should have handled the situation? (You don't understand, this man loooooooves to lecture. I do feel it is his favorite hobby."

Would he make me give it back when she told me not to say anything in the first place and then make it an awkward situation for all?

Would he lecture the patient about not giving extra money because she's already paid for the extent of her treatment?

All of these questions were circling in my mind by the time I had a chance to speak to the doctor.

So I texted Crystal and told her what happened and asked her what I should do.

Don't say anything! Were her orders. And she is my bestie and knows the doc best.

I came home and told Ben the situation and he said I should just keep it for now and find a way to give it back to her at another time. He also suggested I not tell the doctors. "It's between you and her" he firmly stated.

I still can't seem to find peace with taking the money, what do you guys think???

As of late.

Gossip Girl reminded me of how much I love tights (really, how could I have forgotten?). And now I am destined to have them in every color under the sun.

Do you follow? Is it totally weird?

I want to tell you guys something. (and a fashion show!)

Apryl over at http://aprylsmindshowers.blogspot.com/ gave me a fabulous blogging award. I am honored and so happy that she likes my blog! But I must tell you I got severe constipation of the mind when I saw the conditions for passing on the award...Fifteen blogs??? Well I don't even read fifteen blogs on the reg. I felt all kinds of inadequate.

So what was I to do?

Well browse through my followers of course. I was clicking away meeting some of you who I have never met before and I have to say...you are all very wonderful. No, really. I mean it.

I found my self loving a lot of your blogs. And then it dawned on me...Oh-em-gee. They've decided to follow me because they probably liked something about my writing. Really, we tend to gravitate towards people we are similar to or share similar interests with. Duh!So obviously my readers and I must share commonalities.

I found someone who loves skinny jeans and chai lattes. Did you know that I love skinny jeans and chai frappucinos? Um Hello? Soul sister! (http://astargazeradreamfinder.blogspot.com/)

In other news...

I have been shopping like a mad woman. I think I need to enter a rehab facility for a retail addiction. I feel totally cracked out. Like I need my fix you know?

I try to justifiy it but I really need to calm down. Granted I am a bargain queen but still. This is my savings I am digging into here! Not very wise. Want to hear what the Angel and the Devil perched on each shoulder say?

Angel says,

"Ferni, you need to be wise with your money, use it only for emergencies. What happens if your car breaks down? You have bills to pay remember? Dentist-Car Insurance-Groceries-Cell Phone-Netflix-Credit Cards-Gas..."

Devil says,

"Ferni, you are a great bargain shopper so you can shop as much as you want. And plus you went two years with out buying clothes because you were living paycheck to paycheck since you hadn't taken out loans and since you didn't have extra grant money because you were out of state. So, the way I see it is that you got two years to catch up on so keep shopping girl! You are in your twenties you need to look fab-u-lous."

The Devil makes sooooo much sense doesn't he? The Angel is such a drag.

So today I went on my walk and decided to give "finding that happy medium" a chance. So I put on a jacket my Dad gave me in Christmas of 2006 and headed off. I love that jacket. It makes me feel closer to my Dad. Like a little piece of him is with me. And he did such a great job picking it. And its super nifty because it has some great pockets that I can put my keys, iPod, and cell phone into. I refuse to use a fanny pack until I am at least over fifty.

On my walk I did my infamous I just tripped but didn't fall, I do that about 3 times a week. I've stopped even looking around after I do it because it happens so often and looking around would only allow witnesses to know I feel totally foolish. But today was a big one. Today was a Whaaaaaaaa arms flair, almost falling, big trip. I looked around to see if I had made anyone's day a little better but thankfully no one saw.

Then I saw a cat chase a squirrel up a wooden electrical beam. It was a stand off. Each animal facing eachother, straddling the beam, with only a few inches between them for distance. The cat slapped the squirrel a couple times and then the squirrel struck back as well. Crazy squirrel. The squirrel then head up higher and higher towards the cables and the cat stayed where he was, pondering if he should finish what he started.

Well after my walk I hit the thrifty store. I got two skirts for $1.98 dollars each. I also found this terrific little navy blue cape jacket but it was a bit too rich for my blood being from a thrifty and all. It was 14.99 and it was Mossimo brand. It wasn't Gucci! So I decided to let the cape jacket live there for a few more weeks and if I came back and it was marked down more than I knew it was meant for us to be together.

I also got some snow pants for myself that were $4.98. But I do need to give those a bath first because they had some mysterious stains on them. Stains of the opaque cream color. I'll let you decipher that one.

And I found some tan ankle boots for $4.98.

I learned a great lesson today. That I could still shop a lot as long as I kept it on the cheap. Also this works out because I still want to lose another 10 lbs and it is absolutely disgraceful to buy clothing that won't fit you in a few months.


Now this is where I show you that you can really dress for less. And this is the part where I ask of you to condone this newfound shopping addiction. Its a fair trade.

   Shirt: Forever21    10.50  

Skirt: Thrifty Store 1.98

Tights: Walmart    4.99

Shoes: Thirfty Store 4.98

 Grand Totale:        22.45

My skirt would  be much better appreciated in person but this will suffice. Pretty?

And this is me channeling American Apparel ads. Good?

Now, I have a question..

Seeing as you all have blogs and all, I am wondering if I should go mainstream... right now only me and myself and of course all of you know of my bloggy but I was thinking of making it a friends and family affair. Of course I would need to tidy it up around here but I am leaning towards the idea.

Do your friends and family know about your blog or do you prefer to keep it to yourself?

On a side note...

I made this little picture concoction but for some reason when I add in pics they come out grainy. Tragic.

Talk Talk Talk.

I am wondering... as we get older (we women) ...do we feel emotions stronger?

When I was in my teen years I was like what the ef is all this hype about PMS? Who gets that? Women are just using it as a front to just be down right mean!

But now... now I know  PMS is not a myth. It is real. As real as the sun that shines on our faces.

I get all kinds of moody when I know Mother Flow is coming to visit soon. And then my coworker told me something very interesting that one day when I decide to actually use my spare time wisely I might actually look into.

She said that after our periods we get depressed because our egg wasn't fertilized. Even though we may not even be trying to get pregnant therefore aren't consciously thinking about it, but that physiologically our bodies go through a brief depression mode. Hmmm...it made sense to me because I was noticing a mysterious blanket of sadness that would come over me very strongly. Maybe thats the explanation?

I am perplexed but I just know I am more in touch with my womanly feelings than I've ever felt I have been in my life.

A few months ago I was at Target with my friend and we were crusing through the store when I saw a plaque with some cheesy inspirational message and there in Target I really felt I could just bawl my eyes out. Just cry like a crazy person. Over a plaque? Yes, really.

Is this what pregnant women feel like?

&&& What weight loss tips are working for you? I am having a hard time losing these last ten pounds. They are taunting and teasing me.

Please. Help.