A bit of a dilema here.

Today was different. Today on March 8th, 2010 I wasn't my usual self. Despite staying up till 5am last night finishing a power point presentation and a paper, I was in unusually high spirits. Luck of the draw landed me a slot on the first day of presentations. It's better to just get it over with right? I didn't do very good because I had just finished picking my topic and forming a presentation so it wasn't my best performance at public speaking, but I faired much better than I did in the 8th grade. When my voice trembled worse than someone's shitty base in a richety old car. Oh but it was because of the ever so dreamy Mr. Daniel Brown. The  cutest Mormon boy ever. My thirteen-year-old self turned to putty when he was around. I totally bombed my presentation from the sheer nerves of him watching me. And then I wanted to crawl into a hole and die when I saw him giggle with no restraint.

Daniel Brown is the reason I don't judge the Twi-hards. Or Jonas Brothers fans. Or even ugggghhhh the Clay Aiken fans. The heart can't help when it palpitates uncontrollably!

And then there was senior year in high school. I didn't get much sleep and skipped breakfast on the day we had our presentations for our "What I want to do with my life" paper. I had the usual nerves but once I got up to present my nerves turned into excitement and apparently my body couldn't handle the sudden emotional shift. And the fact that I had nothing in my tummy to fuel my body to hold such levels of emotional capacity made for a very interesting day. Suddenly, there I was holding my big foam, science poster covered with Home and Garden pictures and was ready to talk about how I wanted to be an interior designer, when it happened. Suddenly, my classmates started to slowly disappear into a black haze and I blinked to see if my eyes would grant me back my vision. And then I felt extremely dizzy, weak, and disorientated. And then the voice in my head that detected emergencies said aloud, "HOLY SHIT! You are going to faint!" And in that moment I told the teacher "I feel sick, can I go to the nurse?" Right smack dab in the middle of my presentation. Another bomb. Needless to say I ended up presenting on a different day. (It was embarassing to halt my presentation but it was better than dropping dead from clamy nerves in front of my classmates SENIOR year.)

But anyways, back to today. I was feeling unusually chipper. I felt light on my feet, confident, accomplished, and I just felt like helping everyone. For once when I had to do my job the voice in my head didn't groan and say, "I don't want to do that" or "Ugh" or "I hate my job." I thought, "With pleasure!" and "I would love to help!"

Let me tell you it is rare for me to think this way because my job is physically demanding so I never want to do much of it! And since they got rid of the other therapist I've been on double duty.

Today folks was an example of what goes around comes around. Good karma as they say. One of the patients today was in particularly more pain than usual so she asked me if I could do some ultrasound  on her (you may know US as what detects babies but its also used as physical therapy to heal muscle). I made sure to work extra hard on her sore spots and even ultra sounded her forearms which she said were in great pain. Not one moment of this bothered me. And you don't understand, I hate doing ultrasounds with a passion. They kill my shoulders. But today like I said, was just different.

So I bid the patient farewell and told her I hoped she'd feel better. I went to tend to the patient in the next room when I heard...Ferni!

It was the patient I had just done the ultrasound on calling me and I rushed back frightened something had happened. Cramp? Fall? Shooting pains? But when I rushed into the room I saw a 20 dollar bill staring me in the face. "I can't accept that!" I told her. "No, no, just take it!" She urged. "No, I can't its my job, I feel bad taking that from you." This exchange occured for about a minute when she finally said, "SHHHH, Shhhhh just don't tell anybody! Just take it!" I must say I felt overly compensated for only ultrasounding her for about 10 minutes. (I was only supposed to do 4 minutes)

I finally accepted the 20 dollar bill and thanked her again.

I must say it isn't settling well with me that I took her money. It's funny how we can accept gifts and candy but when it comes to the hard cash it just tugs at us.

I planned to tell the doctor as soon as I had a chance but he was so busy all day in consultations and finally when he was available I began having my doubts of telling him for fear of his reaction.

Would he be mad at me for taking the money?

Would he be happy someone liked one of his employees so much that they gave them a very generous tip?

Would he lecture me on how I should have handled the situation? (You don't understand, this man loooooooves to lecture. I do feel it is his favorite hobby."

Would he make me give it back when she told me not to say anything in the first place and then make it an awkward situation for all?

Would he lecture the patient about not giving extra money because she's already paid for the extent of her treatment?

All of these questions were circling in my mind by the time I had a chance to speak to the doctor.

So I texted Crystal and told her what happened and asked her what I should do.

Don't say anything! Were her orders. And she is my bestie and knows the doc best.

I came home and told Ben the situation and he said I should just keep it for now and find a way to give it back to her at another time. He also suggested I not tell the doctors. "It's between you and her" he firmly stated.

I still can't seem to find peace with taking the money, what do you guys think???